Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
