So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think my nap took me to another dimension
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
