I wanna bring you to show and tell
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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