absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
