I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't deserve a penis
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
