Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
