yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
