so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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