I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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