i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
