At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
