do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
