Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my shit smells like andre
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
