You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
