a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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