it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
