I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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