They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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