I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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