I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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