Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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