is your mom at the bar?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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