So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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