he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
