she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
