just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
