i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Boobs speak an international language.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
