A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
