ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
