your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
