I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
farters have to be the big spoon...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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