i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
