There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
