my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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