took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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