the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
