last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
