I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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