oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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