google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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