I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
