I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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