Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
