She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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