I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
