its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So apparently I’m into choking now
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