check it out our google latitudes are spooning
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
