Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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