you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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