did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
