Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My balls are so social today.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
