Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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