We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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