I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
