I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
