I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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