meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
