Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
