Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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