i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
