Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
