where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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