i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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