I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
