hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
