4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
