she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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